PLUS/DELTA Feedback: A Breakthrough Tool for Personal Growth as a Leader (part 1)

One of the most interesting parts of my work is having the pleasure of doing a great deal of phone coaching and many years ago I began to set aside the last five minutes of a call to invite feedback for me. At the end of the hour I would ask, “I want to keep growing and improving the ways I support you and your growth. Can you help me understand what added value to this time together?” (PLUS) and “Where and how can I improve as a coach?” (DELTA) This has become a very valuable skill to encourage two-way learning. What I hear in that five minutes has transformed how I listen and coach.

By asking this question several times a day and to hundreds of people, I have discovered many benefits.
1. Trends appear that I cannot deny.
2. I’ve learned to tailor my style to each individual.
3. The person being mentored begins to take more ownership for change and begins to be more directive in other parts of the call.
4. I model Robert K. Greenleaf’s insight, that a true servant leader looks inside to bring change rather than outside to change others. And as we work on changing ourselves, our attitudes and short comings, others, through inspiration, begin to choose to change themselves.

The hardest PLUS/DELTA has been with my family. Yet not one piece of feedback has failed to be a special opportunity for growth and transformation. It does take courage and a good sense of humor! One of my funniest moments was when I asked my then 13 year-old step daughter what I could do to make her feel a sense of joy when she opened the front door at the end of a school day. ( A bit of background might help. Her mother had died unexpectedly 16 months previous and we both were struggling to create a trusting relationship.) Without missing a beat she responded, “Drop dead!” Well, that was a bit more than I was prepared for, so I asked for something easier for starters She then offered, “Don’t speak to me until dinner time.” That was even harder. I wouldn’t be able to say, Have you done your homework? Don’t drop your school books there. You need to practice the piano before dinner….all those important messages teenagers love to hear! But I gave it my best shot. After four weeks of not meeting the goal well (I had only managed 3 evenings with the results she sought-! And then, only because I had gone outside to garden or literally gone somewhere in the car) still, she was willing to celebrate with me. We announced my achievement at dinner with a special dessert to make the milestone.

To my amazement, as we were loading the dishwasher after dinner, she asked me what she might do to make my afternoons more pleasant. “I’m sure you aren’t too thrilled to see me after school. What can I do to make you glad I’m home?”

I said something like, “Oh no, I’m always glad to see you.” (Which wasn’t nearly as truthful as she had been.) But then I continued, “You and your father have an agreement that you will practice the piano each afternoon or else you have to pay for your piano lesson.” (And I was the observer to report whether she had or hadn’t honored her promise, not a good way to do it I’ll admit.) “What would make me the happiest would be for you to practice the piano sometime before dinner each evening so I could enjoy your music and share a positive report with your father.”

To my amazement she went right to the piano and practiced…and never missed an evening after that. I learned great humility and the power of changing myself first and only myself. Then others choose to change by inspiration and of their own free will as they are ready.