By Ann McGee-Cooper
Our fragile egos and insecurities get in the way of healthy growth making it hard to give or receive constructive feedback. “I won’t say anything bad about you if you won’t say anything bad about me,” becomes an unspoken agreement. Yet in the absence of honest, respectful feedback we stay stuck, unlikely to grow in ways made possible by an open flow of both positive feedback and coaching for improvement.
But how do we break through this cultural barrier? Another piece of the puzzle is the belief that it’s disrespectful or not appropriate to coach those above us. Yet how can we improve working relationships if only one person can provide honest corrective feedback?
In truly high performance teams and cultures that thrive on high mutual trust, feedback is viewed as a gift and a responsibility. “Because I care about you I want to help you grow and be successful.” In that spirit we provide frequent feedback on both positive traits as well as new opportunities to grow even more successful and collaborative.
A recent story illustrates some of the characteristics of high performance teaming.
A senior leader was reflecting on a supervisor who was well-liked and trusted by those he supervised yet he chose not to provide any constructive feedback to his teammates when they fell short. As we looked deeper we realized that his mental model was about how to be a good friend in a peer relationship but he had not grown into the next level of what it meant to be a trustworthy coach. How can people grow if no one helps them identify areas of growth? On the technical side of work, this process flowed effectively. It was on the people skills side that there were serious gaps and barriers.
An unintended consequence of no corrective feedback was that the person assumed they were doing fine. And their annual performance reviews only noted positives. As a result, people with low emotional maturity were being promoted into supervisory roles because there was no documentation to support not promoting them. As a result everyone was harmed.
- Employees with poor communication skills, conflict resolution and people skills got promoted.
- This negative example sent the wrong signal.
- The culture went backwards in terms of mutual trust.
- And those at the top felt frustrated and that their hands were tied to make any changes.
Then a top leader made a bold move. By asking the question, “What am I doing or not doing to contribute to this problem?” This courageous leader discovered that she was indeed a part of the problem.
“I am not modeling these skills in my own performance reviews. I need to grow myself into the role of supportive coach where I help each person identify and work consistently on growth opportunities.”
We talked about the importance of starting by asking each of her direct reports what they thought might be two or three appropriate areas for growth and then add her observations once they had generated some ideas. She planned to lead by example in bringing her own list of her skill gaps and which 2 or 3 she was committed to improve and invite their feedback. Did they support her choices or did they have other suggestions? By making it safe for them to coach her, she was changing the meaning of the role as coach.
I was touched by this message of courageous self-awareness.
“I wanted to thank you for the coaching you gave me yesterday. I came in this morning and created an action plan for myself to use in developing and conducting my performance reviews. I recognized some things I really needed to change in my approach and I think I will be able to provide each of them some very specific coaching that will make them more successful in their jobs. While I was discussing my direct report’s need to grow into his current position and stop doing his old job I recognized the same flaw in myself. I have been supervising my direct reports as peers and not being a good mentor. I have failed to grow into my own position and am guilty of the same short comings I recognize in them.
Thanks again, I truly appreciate your coaching and mentoring.”
Key Tips
1. Set mutual goals. “As your coach I want to put you in the best position to succeed
day by day and grow in your career.”
2. Ask the person where they need and want to grow.
3. Ask if they would be open to your input.
4. View accepting and giving feedback as a gift and a responsibility.
5. Share your own personal growth goals and invite feedback.
“The servant always accepts and empathizes, never rejects. The servant as leader always empathizes, always accepts the person but sometimes refuses to accept some of the person’s effort or performance as good enough.”
– Robert K. Greenleaf
“The servant views any problem in the world as inside oneself, not out there. And if a flaw in the world is to be remedied, the process of change starts in the servant, not out there.”
– Robert K. Greenleaf
The Servant as Leader
“Ann McGee-Cooper and Associates are a perfect 'fit' for our organization because they live and breathe the Servant-Leadership philosophy. The concept of Servant-Leadership is not new to Southwest Airlines. Our Leaders are passionate about taking care of our Company, and they understand that the best way to do this is to serve others. Ann McGee-Cooper and Associates have become a partner in learning for many of our Employees through the motivational and uplifting presentations they make to our Culture Committee members.”