Homa’s Mom’s Birthday
By Homa Lewis
In our work on servant leadership, we have been exploring the link between our “self talk”, the attitudes we create, and the resulting outcomes of our efforts. It is a tough assignment for work, but it can be a REALLY tall order for our family life.
Recently, we went down to Wimberley, Texas to celebrate my Mother’s 80th birthday. Prior to going, I began to think about some of the challenges we were facing—a mother who didn’t want a party of any kind, some family ties that were a little strained, and an extended car trip with a two-year old! What I realized was that I had a choice in my self talk—I could worry and fret about all the things that could go wrong, or I could choose to envision a great time by all. Here’s what happened…
“Oh, Man!” became the key phrase of the weekend we celebrated my mother’s 80th birthday. My two-and-a-half-year old granddaughter uses this phrase randomly and by the time the weekend was over, nine adults followed suit.
It was quite the gathering. From my now 80-year-old mother who was born at home to my granddaughter who whizzes through her apps on my iPad. In between were my brother and his wife, me, two granddaughters, two grandsons, one granddaughter-in-law and one serious girlfriend. The Georgia contingent was still digging out from the Atlanta blizzard so it was just the Texas branches. However, everyone who couldn’t make it to the Hill Country called. My mother talked with her sister, brother, nieces and nephews in addition to all of her friends who called or came by.
Going into the weekend was a little stressful. My mother, who has a fully filled social calendar, didn’t want any kind of celebration-no party, no open house, no cocktail hour. This frustrated her grandkids who wanted a full-blown party. She finally agreed to dine out with the family and one friend. It wasn’t until my younger daughter and I were on the road to her home that she even told us what kind of cake she wanted.
Adding to the stress was the knowledge that some of the family ties were a little strained. Would we all be able to get along long enough to celebrate? This gave me an opportunity to practice assuming goodwill and creating a positive field of intention. All the way down, I imagined us all having a good time, surrounding my mother with all of the love she deserved.
And it worked. Helped along with the great-granddaughter’s phrases (she went up to my mother one time and told her she was “awesome”) and the surprise showing of home movies. The grandkids enjoyed seeing their parents as small kids as well as their grandparents as young parents. There was a lot of laughter as we pointed out resemblances, told stories and answered questions. My brother and I laughed at our own antics as well as the amount of time my dad spent filming airplanes, in whole or in parts (he loved the Blue Angels). My mother shared some new stories with all of us. By the time the night ended, we were a closer family. And I realized just how powerful the stories I tell myself in advance are to the outcome of what I experience. So now I have precious new gift ….and personal responsibility. Learning to assume good will can open hearts and minds, mine included!
“We have used a number of coaches, facilitators, and consultants through many years at Bridgeway. Sadly, too many have been considered ‘the flavor of the month,’ a fad without staying power. Ann McGee-Cooper and Associates partners with us, focusing creatively and intentionally on a small number of clients to ensure servant leadership really ‘takes.’ I've never before experienced the breadth of team leaders saying ‘this is the best thing we've done.’ From helping create a powerful tool chest of communication tools to individual executive and team member coaching to specific problem-solving, AMCA has already added significant target in the first year.”