Part 3 of a 4 part series from Lt. Matt Kosec AMCA Adjunct Partner of Criminal Justice and Public Sector Affairs, from his week of graduate studies in advanced servant leadership in a Benedictine Monastery.
“…the servant views any problem in the world as in here, inside oneself, not out there. And if a flaw in the world is to be remedied, to the servant the process of change starts in here, in the servant, not out there.”
-Robert K. Greenleaf
Another day, another monk. Not unlike the other times I have spent with monks, today’s interview with Brother Gene was extremely rewarding. I have learned that once a monk takes his vows he no longer uses his birth name. Instead, he provides a list of three Saints from which the Abbot either picks, or the Abbot can assign a different name. While I am not familiar with the vast array of Saints, I didn’t think “Gene” sounded like a Saint. My hunch was right – Brother Gene has only been with the community for 48 days and thus he is still uses his birth name.
I quickly realized that Brother Gene would provide wonderful insight as a newcomer, but it was made even more valuable by his experiences in his previous life. Not long ago Gene was a high ranking official in a private corporation. At St. Andrew’s Abbey new monks are encouraged to retain their worldly possessions for the first couple stages, just in case. Gene did not believe he could be committed with this rescue net beneath him – he gave away his $170,000 a year job, BMW 750i, 3,000 square foot house, and cashed in his entire retirement account before entering the monastery (see previous post on vow of stability!).
Although it is easy to project the concept of near-perfection upon a monk, once you spend some personal time with them you quickly discover their ease in admitting flaws and weaknesses. A monastery is a community of imperfect individuals, and thus it is not surprising that conflicts can develop. When I asked Gene how interpersonal conflict is handled in the monastery he courageously shared the story of a monk who was making mean and disheartening comments to him. Clearly it hurt Gene. He had poured his heart into the community and this individual was making him feel unwelcome, so much that he even questioned his decision to join a religious order.
Brother Gene prayed, meditated, and consulted mentors. He described an epiphany that showed courage of heart; this situation was an opportunity to learn something about himself as well one of his brothers. He admitted his first reaction was, “Well screw you!” His revelation, however, was that this was an opportunity to learn about himself. He took personal responsibility for the situation and discovered that while it was uncomfortable and hurtful, the individual’s comments revealed a flaw within himself. He stated it was an opportunity to become more whole. Additionally, he viewed it as an opportunity to love his brother more deeply. He consulted with other monks who better helped him understand this particular peer. He feels as though he grew and become a better individual through this communal experience.
The servant leader views every problem in the world as beginning within themselves. What can I do to better this situation or problem? If I am in fact imperfect, then what flaw does this situation reveal about myself and in what ways can I grow? It takes courage to move past emotional reactions and towards forgiveness. As Brother Gene discovered, it can take time, mentorship from respected leaders and counselors, and careful self-reflection. It also takes humility to understand that admitting a flaw does not compromise your position or status in the world. If anything, it makes you a more complete individual and member of the community. Brother Gene’s humility in handling this situation is a model for any individual on the lifelong journey of servant leadership.
